In this post, I’m going to skip ahead from the tales of Frosty the Fan Oven (he was fixed, and the ‘Gawd bless us, every one’ Turkey was a success on Christmas Day) to January 2009. T’was on this inauspicious day that I received my first rejection as an author-in-waiting …
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An exciting day is upon us. My first rejection arrived this morning. I am finally a ‘real’ writer.
I get the feeling I should have dissolved into a puddle of tears by now but I am happy to report there is not even the start of a sniffle. Perhaps my months and years of ‘preparing for the rejection of my work’ have actually – and I hadn’t quite anticipated this – prepared me for the rejection of my work. Job well done.
The Journey Continues
My manuscript must go out into the world again, a wiser woman. I certainly had to kiss a few frogs before I found my prince and the same may be true for her, or maybe not. Maybe Prince/Princess Charming (I can see this metaphor becoming problematic) is just around the corner. We shall see. All I know for sure is that I am one step closer to finding the perfect agent and that, for me, is a great result.
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Should You Prepare for it?
How do you handle rejection, and how do you prepare for it? With a few years and a number of improbably glorious successes under my belt, my advice would be somewhere in the vicinity of ‘prepare for the worst but hope for the best’. This runs foul of the rules of Law of Attraction gurus, but I’ve always been a bit of a rebel. Some rules work for me … the ones I make up … the others are open to interpretation.
By ‘prepare for the worst’ I mean ‘don’t be a total arse about your situation, and if you can’t swim and you’re on an island with no shelter and only a turtle for company, don’t burn all the boats’*.
In Palaces and Calluses, there’s a scene where Mary sits at a table, under the watchful gaze of Rock, the Border Collie, and writes a bunch of lists. As I remember, they are: ‘What do I want? What do I need? What won’t I put up with?’ Something like that. I don’t know. If you bought the book, let me know. Anyhow, that’s what I’m talking about with this idea. Here’s an example of one of the things I might have thought at the time:
What do I want? ‘A self-hosted, fancy pants, WordPress blog.’
What do I need? ‘A blog … a free one will do.’
What won’t I put up with? ‘Waiting until I can afford a self-hosted WordPress blog before I start blogging.’
I set up a Blogger blog, won a stack of awards, got a column in a magazine, and became an author. If I hadn’t done that, I would only just have started blogging (in the end, I got too comfortable with Blogger and refused to upgrade until this week, but there’s a whole other lesson there). Can you imagine if I’d waited? NONE of this would have happened.
The ‘worst’ scenario when you send out a manuscript is that it’s rejected, but that doesn’t leave you in a bad situation, it just means you need to make your way down the alphabet. What’s Plan B? If you ‘prepared for the worst’ you’ll have plans B – Z sketched out. What’s the best case scenario for the particular action of sending out that manuscript? It’s accepted. Excellent. Now, what’s the next step? Think ahead. If it’s accepted, then what? If it’s rejected, then what?
Tony Robbins – Not Just an American with a Grin
Tony Robbins has the best take on this. He says that you can choose to think positive all the time if you like, but that going outside and saying ‘there are no weeds’ will never get rid of the weeds. You need to get on your hands and knees and pull them up, or use weed killer, or whatever ‘Plan B’ is (Plan A having been ‘have a garden in which I hope weeds never grow, and they don’t'). He says that people should live in the reality of the moment: not seeing life as better or worse than it is, but seeing it AS IT IS. Then, he says, we should create a compelling vision of how things COULD be once we reach our goal, and take massive action so that we improve our situation, and do reach that goal.
- Don’t let a rejection or obstacle stop you
- Get clear on your goal
- Take massive and consistent action
- Notice what is working and what isn’t working
- Do the stuff that works, and tweak course as needed to reach your dream
In the end, I decided to publish myself. Of course, in 2009, I hadn’t a clue I’d make that decision. If someone had told me that I would turn down agents AND publishers to make that decision (and that I’d be confident enough of my own abilities to do so) only a few months later, I wouldn’t have believed it. All I knew was that I had to pick myself up and keep going, and that’s what I did.
Next Time …
In the next post … I’ll skip forward another month. The US has its first black president, but that’s not the most newsworthy story in my house. My ‘prepare for the worst, hope for the best’ approach is about to save our lives – literally. An extreme weather event happens … a storm with such strength and duration that it has the potential to sweep away our lives hits the little cottage, and we are forced to enact a plan known only as ‘Operation Sh*tstorm’.
* There are certain circumstances in which is DOES make sense to burn all the boats. If you’re an aspiring novelist, it doesn’t, because there’s no short cut to writing and editing a book. Given that, if you burn all the boats, you’ll starve. This isn’t the case for non-fiction however, and it isn’t the case for other industries. If you’re an entrepreneur with a home business, for instance, there ARE short cuts. This is one of them, and it’s only $9.97 with a full money back guarantee. It’s phenomenal that they let you in for that price, and with no risk, but they do. Gawd bless ‘em!
Not waiting to get started is golden advice Rebecca.
Nothing will ever be perfect, so there is never a perfect time to start anything.
It is awesome to hear your success because you deserve it.
As the great Joe Schroeder says … ‘You don’t have to get it right … you just have to get it going’.
Great post Rebecca, and I have always liked what Tony Robbins has said and written about! Being in the here and now is the only wy we can be and remain focused and not let things in the past or future bother us! Thanks for all you do!
Val
Val Heisey recently posted..What do fleas and network marketing have in common?
Thank you, Val. You are so right. Use what you have (both in terms of resources and results) and take action to move things forward. Stumble, if you must, but stumble forwards.
I must say I haven’t visited here in awhile but I do like the new look of your blog. I really do like the way you started off your post by indicating that your first rejection was a signal that you have “arrived”.
I love your positive attitude in this post, it’s when we realize that on our path to accomplish our goals and dreams that there will be stumbling blocks along the way is really just in preparation for the victory.
Thanks for sharing Rebecca, keep reaching for the stars my friend
All the best,
-Chante
Chante Epps recently posted..4 Steps To Achieving The Right Mindset For Your Goals
LOL! Different blog.
Thank you, though. I’m rather fond of this space already. I think it’ll be fun.
It’s so true that the stumbling blocks are the preparation. Reminds me of the ‘man pushing against a rock’ story. I’m not sure if anyone knows the origin of this, but I’ve seen the same text all over the web, credited to ‘Anon’, who so often gets the credit. They must be rich on the royalties.
In the story, a man’s room fills with light and God tells him there is a giant boulder outside his cabin that He wants him to push. The man pushes this thing for YEARS and it doesn’t budge. Then, this being a religious story, He Who Shall Not Be Named (not Voldermort … the other one) tells him to stop wasting his time and chill out since he’s worked hard and it’ll never happen. The man prays and asks why the rock hasn’t moved and is told he was asked to push it, not move it. In the process, his body has become toned and muscular and through the opposition, he’d grown in abilities and resilience and whatnot.
You never know what you’re being prepared for or how each ‘failure’ is building your muscles.
Well, I truly love this post and can understand it quite well. I’ve had many rejections slips in the past and I gave up on submitting and just wrote for myself and family, which still gave me pleasure…no income, but delight. So, the word on the street is, “Keep Moving,” and the direction is “forward.”
BG Jenkins recently posted..Who Do You Trust?
Don’t be surprised if your ‘giving up’ becomes a temporary thing. I published a book a few years before that I hoped to sell to thousands, but I tested it out on my ‘warm market’ first. I sold nine. I took the evidence off the web, and it sits on my shelf. Last week, nearly 1,600 people downloaded my book. Incidentally … STILL hardly any of my friends and family have bought the thing. Ditto the magazine in which I write a column. My mum and dad bought the first issue (I’ve been in it for well over a year), and my mother-in-law has bought numerous copies but I think that’s pretty much it. Book-wise … I think five friends and family members have bought it. Turns out that my warm market sucks! Who knew?
You may be a best seller yet, and it may not be your friends and family who get you there.
Rebecca,
Rejection can be so difficult if you don’t know how to use it to your advantage. Thanks for sharing your story, it was truly inspiring and I am grateful you shared it with your readers.
Wendy Elwell
Wendy Elwell recently posted..How to Pin a Picture from Your Computer and Pin Videos to Pinterest!
Thank you, Wendy.
Rebecca Woodhead recently posted..Writing Heroes and Heroines
Hi Rebecca,
Being involved in Network Marketing has made me used to rejection. I don’t get upset or take it personal. I am not being rejected, my business opportunity is. And that’s ok. Ultimately, in my mind, the person who said no has suffered the loss, not me. That’s just how my mind works.
Love the picture of the dog.
Jamella Biegel recently posted..Is PLR Content Useful or Useless?
Absolutely agree! Glad you like the dog picture. They’re so expressive, aren’t they?
Rebecca Woodhead recently posted..Never Lose Your Sense of Humour
Great post Rebecca:) It’s interesting how in business people just don’t teach or prepare you for rejection which inevitably does happy (and in our personal life).
I’ve learnt that in business you need to be a little tough at times and not take things personally, otherwise it will eat you up. You also can’t please everyone and as long as you’re keeping the majority happy then I think you’re onto a winner:)
Lilach Bullock recently posted..12 Successful Facebook Advertising Tips
Very true. I think the psychology behind not preparing people for rejection is meant to stop them looking at the possibility, but then people can get knocked off balance when it happens.
When I was a child, I used to show jump on ponies, and it was important that we never thought about falling off while we were riding (or the pony would pick up on it) but it was equally important that we knew what to do if we DID fall off, so that we didn’t get trampled or worse.
I used to look to the next fence and always think ahead, but the moment I fell off, I knew what to do. That’s the best analogy I can think of. We ALL fall off from time to time. It’s not worth focusing on that possibility, but it’s wise to have a strategy for when it happens, so you’re back in the saddle and heading for the next fence in no time.
Rebecca Woodhead recently posted..Business Tool Box
Hey Rebecca, being self employed for 2 years now and I got used to rejection and my attitude is im getting closer to a YES. Thank you for the awesome post and congrats on your success!
Kareem Maghrabi recently posted..Wise Advice For Using Facebook For Marketing
Thank you Kareem. Absolutely! Go for no. Every ‘no’ is a step closer to ‘yes’.
Rebecca Woodhead recently posted..Author Stuff and Books
Rejection is a funny thing.
I taught my kids a long time ago: “What people think of you is NONE of your business.”
I don’t who you are or what you do, people are going to judge you…on everything!
My perspective is to be rejection free by staying true to your dreams. If keep don’t get it, they are just crazy.
LOL!
terry petrovick recently posted..How to Motivate Your MLM Prospects
I love that quote. Great approach. Thanks for your comment, Terry.
Rebecca Woodhead recently posted..A New Year, A New Blog
Love what you shared about Tony Robbins. Thanks
John Moussan recently posted..Yes I Can… No You Can’t… I Think I Could… If Only…
Great insight into moving onwards and upwards Rebecca. I don’t see it as rejection tho, I see it as a poor publisher that’s missing out on your stories and your brand probably because they got out of the wrong side of the bed that day. I’d see it as a learning experience, which makes you stronger and wiser – as is evidenced by your post. Thanks for sharing
Fiona Scott recently posted..Ready to Reclaim Your Life by Making Money Online?
I agree with you Becky.
You can’t control life’s events but you can control how you deal with them.